The Summer I Learned to Stay
Bowie brought us into one of the studio rooms as he had to work on a piece with surround sound and I was able to attend my online class while he worked. I could hear in the distance from the auditorium, trumpets being played along with the drums. There was a summer music program going on with younger students. I enjoyed tagging along with him to work. There were always people to see or music being practiced. Most of all, I sat in awe watching Bowie work. The intricacy of using the computer software to create the sounds and move them around to each speaker had me completely distracted. I watched sitting in the back of the room on a chair with my laptop. He would look back and give me his usual smile and the gaze that had me crumble into a million pieces.
He handled me with such care, checking in and making sure I was okay. That’s the thing with Bowie, when he loves, he loves hard and incredibly present. That’s what I found was changing me slowly. I could feel the difference he was making inside of me. I had challenged his love, by trying to run away or feeling scared. Hell, I felt scared much of the time, yet I was learning that fear was there because I was falling just as deeply in love with him. And it scared me shitless. This summer, I spent a few hours each day with him. I found myself growing more attached, more afraid of losing him than I had ever imagined, and more aware that love wasn't simple. Real love meant seeing myself through him, and accepting the love he had to give fully and that was the most challenging part for me.
One thing I found about Bowie is he knew how to take care of me. He looked after me, he taught me how important touch was and looking out for someone the way he did. This summer, I was facing a time in my life where it was asking me to grow or flee and I realized, I had to grow.
He swiveled around in his chair, smiled and rolled over towards me. He kissed me twice. Those kisses sent a rush through me as he rolled back and returned to his audio project. I was starting to realize I needed him for so many reasons. Bowie was beginning to feel like home.
