Just one sign

I just didn't know if he understood what it had taken for me to get to Texas, or how that decision would change my life forever.

I was in my head again. I began cleaning the house. I had just moved in with Bowie and unpacked all of my things. My mom had left the week before after helping me settle in. We'd spent days driving around town, buying little housewarming gifts for us both. I didn’t have the ability to communicate to her how after she left, things took a turn. I was thinking about all of the people in my life who supported me, took time off and helped me get to Texas. And suddenly, I was at a loss for words as to Bowie changing his mind. The difficult thing around this, is the love is there, nothing changed in this, he just panicked in grief and mortality. I tried to understand the best that I could. 

I had just finished building the shoe rack I bought for him while all of my shoes sat in a corner. It's funny writing that now. That's how integrated we had become. Completely intertwined. I couldn’t cry yet as I was shocked, in a bit of a numb state. How could two people who changed their entire lives for each other end up here? And how in the world could he ask me to go back home? This was my home, our home. I picked up the large bag of trash and walked it outside to the dumpster. The sunset radiated pinks and purples across the horizon. I threw the bag in the bin and stood for a moment staring at the sky. I had always heard the plains sunsets were beautiful. I took a long, deep breath, feeling the warmth against my skin and asked aloud,

“Universe, give me a sign that we are still something. That this isn’t the end. Please, just one sign.” I took another heavy breath, looked down and opened the front door. Bowie was standing there. “Uh…whatcha you doing?”

“What? I just want a hug,” he wrapped his long arms all around me tightly. Was this the sign? Because it was incredibly strange of him to have gotten up off the couch to wait at the door for a hug.

On the other hand, Bowie rarely didn’t know where I was as he would constantly ask me where I was going or what I was doing. That's how I knew, somewhere beneath all the fear, that this couldn't stay this way forever. Could it?