Book 3 Teaser

Book 3: Teaser

“You do know I love you,” he said glancing over at her in the car on the way to the airport.

“I know you do,” I sat taking in the Texas landscape before leaving it behind.

“I know you know I do,” he smiled. 

They stood at the airport security. He held her in his arms. He wouldn’t let go and I didn’t want to. He looked down at me, kissed me and said, “You’ll be fine. I know things and this I know to be true,” he kissed my forehead.

“But what if i’m not fine?” I couldn’t stop thinking about the tests for breast cancer I had waiting for me back home. I was leaving my safety and my person to find out. He wouldn’t be with me for this, whatever was coming. 

“I said, I know things, you will be fine,” he hugged me for what felt like ages and kissed my shoulder a few times. I let go of him and walked away. I could feel the pull the further I walked. He stood there watching me. When I finally got through and began to make my way towards the corner hallway to the gates, I looked back and he was still standing there. He waved and I put my hand up.

Three weeks later…

It was 8:30am and I had just received the call. The doctors voice was quiet, “So, we got your test results back and I’m afraid it isn’t good,” he began. I was still laying in bed half asleep staring at the ceiling.

“Okay, let me have it,” I said. My mind felt like it was racing, I heard the doctor mention all of these numbers, size and location and it was as if he was mumbling down a dark tunnel. I couldn’t actually hear what he was saying, so I interrupted, “Excuse me, can you just tell me if I have cancer or not?” I held my breath. His voice dropped.

“You have breast cancer and I am going to refer you to the surgeon as soon as possible,” he said.
I sat there stunned. He noticed and continued, “You’re welcome to call me in the afternoon with any questions you may have.”

“Okay, thanks, I will,” I said gently back, although I could feel anger rising inside of me. Bowie said I would be fine. He said he knew things. He said everything would be fine. I laid there feeling angry and yet also in disbelief. Why wasn’t he there for me? What the hell is happening? How did I end up with him, terminal illness for two years and now I am here by myself being told I have cancer. This is fucked up. As I lay there, I knew exactly who was being told first. The guy who knew things.

“You said I would be fine fucker,” Okay so I was definitely a little angry. “What the fuck Bowie? All of this, everything that has happened and now I am here with cancer. “Ughhhhhh, I am so angry,” I continued. I wanted to scream. Things were supposed to be different. My life was becoming a tornado I couldn’t escape from and I had one person I wanted to take it out on, even if he wasn’t the man who gave me cancer. “You said you knew things. You said I would be fine and now I have breast cancer.” I pushed send and waited. I knew he was at work, but it was a day without students and I waited. 

“Slow down, you have cancer?” he asked.

“I have cancer! You were wrong,” I started to feel the anger going into numbness. The sun was just seeping through my curtains as another ding came through.

“I said you would be fine to make you feel better at the time. I was trying to be encouraging and nice,” he texted.

“But I’m not fine,” I sent back.

“I can read that. Tell me what’s going on,” he texted.

“I have breast cancer. Doc is sending me to a surgeon. That’s all I know. I couldn’t hear the rest of the stuff he said.” I felt myself feeling sad. Every part of my life where I found happiness was slipping away. I remembered Bowie saying to me a couple of times, I feel defeated. I suddenly felt defeated. Life had thrown me so many U-turns, at that point, I didn’t know which way was up.

“We can get through this,” he encouraged. “Would it be alright if I call you tonight?” 

“Yeh, I guess,” I agreed. 

“I’m really sorry. I really thought everything was going to be fine,” he texted back.

“And it’s not,” I replied and called Thandi.