I’m Here

I turned the shower off and heard a noise outside the door. I quickly toweled off and wrapped my oversized sweater around me. Peeking out, I saw Bowie come around the corner, smiling energetically. 

“Hey,” I said curiously. It was after 7pm and unheard of him showing up at my door at this hour. 

“Hi, I was thinking we should probably get some dinner,” he said still walking around. 

“Okay,” I was perplexed, as I watched him steadily. I went over to the couch and that’s when I saw what was by the door. A large black suitcase. Holy shit, did he leave? 

“I left,” he said, standing there looking at me. Silence sat between us.

“I see that.” It had been over a year and I think I was possibly in shock as he obviously was. I could tell by his nervous energy. “You okay?”

“I’m great. I feel lighter, no, I’m good. You hungry?” 

“Sure, I can eat.” I watched him, knowing he was likely freaking out internally and we were about to play this familiar game of distraction for a while. One ADHD’er to another, I knew he was masking a large portion of his emotions.

“I was thinking burgers or chicken. Preference?” He was still standing.

“Either is fine with me. How about you order and we can pick up.” He took his phone out and got busy. Meanwhile, I took mine out and texted Thandi, “He left.”

“Who left?” She texted back.

“Bowie, he left. There is a suitcase sitting by my door,” I said.

“Well, how about that. I didn’t see that coming.” 

“Me either, I got out of the shower and there he was,” I was still staring at the suitcase by the door.

“When you know the deets, let me know,” Thandi asked.

“Yeh, sure thing.” I wrapped my sweater tighter around me. This was huge and I just wanted to let things unravel slowly.

“Ordered,” Bowie said. “I’m going to go put this in the guest room so it doesn’t take up space in  our room” as he grabbed his bags. “Didn’t you say you lined up some places for us to look at tomorrow?”

“Yeh, I did. I think we have four places.” 

“Hopefully, we find something we like,” he returned.

“I think so. All of them have 3 bedrooms, 2 bath and seem pretty modern,” I pointed to the tablet I had written them all down on. He plopped himself down next to me.

“I’m here,” he said looking over and smiling. Another moment of silence between us.

“I see that,” I smiled back still, in disbelief.

“Thank you for setting those places up,” he leaned in.

“It’s all good,” I smiled. I looked up and suddenly his face was an inch away from mine. He kissed me gently.

“I get to sleep with you tonight,” he whispered.

“You do,” I kissed him back when his eyes caught a pile of boxes I had sitting by kitchen.

“What are those?” 

“Those are our plates, air fryer and silverware for the new place,” I said.

“Ahh, I look forward to seeing what you’ve chosen,” he got up and asked if I wanted a drink. I nodded and followed him. I could tell he was all over the place mentally.

“Hey, come here,” I stood there waiting for him.

“What?”

“Just come here please,” I waved him over. I put my arms out and got up on my tiptoes. He wrapped his arms around me and we hugged for a long time. He tightened his grip and kissed me on the shoulder a few times. 

“I can pick up dinner,” he said grabbing his wallet. I let him saunter off and called Thandi immediately.

“Yo, he left to pick up dinner,” I walked outside to the backyard. The air was still very dry and warm.

“I can’t believe he actually left,” she said. 

“I know. I’m still shocked,” I paced. 

“What did he say?” She asked.

“Not much, honestly. He is all over the place.”

“Probably shocked himself,” she added.

“I think so. I’m just going to move along with him and make sure he’s okay.”

“Damn, who would’ve thought?”

“Right? Well, we knew he was going to tell the kids and all, but I still don’t believe it,” I stood staring at the grackle squawking at me. Angry black birds, a unique item to Texas I learned.

“Do you know what he told them?” She asked.

“The gist I believe was that he wanted to be happy and start living his life with the time he had left,” I shared.

“I hope he does just that,” she said.

“We shall see,” I said.

“Not that again. I told you I was dying on that hill you both would be together. There is no we shall see, it’s happening, look at what he did tonight,” she reprimanded me. 

“Yeh, I keep hearing you say that. I don’t know. Pinch me,” I said.

“You do not need to be pinched. This man loves you. Do you know how rare it is when a man is willing to do this for a woman? Yeh, not often.”

“I guess,” I think I was still reeling over seeing the suitcase.

“Rory, the man goes into tears every time you ask him, what if he lost you. I think at this point, you can start believing.” This was true. Every single time he gets choked up or goes silent or tears form. I knew he loved me, probably more than he even realized. I also knew that after a decade of thinking about doing it, he said, he never had a real reason until now. There was something still unsettled for me and I couldn’t pin it down. I suppose it could have just been the shock of the reality of it actually happening.

“I know you’re right Thandi. I just have to wrap my head around this. We have places to see tomorrow, so that’s something.”

“I told you. You both are already looking for a place together. I still stand by what I said,” she reminded me.

“About what?”

“Don’t leave him for two months. You will regret it. I can feel it.”

“Thandi, I have no choice. Both of us have to pull our lives together before I come back down. I need to pack up and such,” I said.

“Yeh, I get it, but I feel this in my bones. If you go, he won’t make it I don’t think. I can feel something,” she said worriedly.

“I have no choice. I think we will be fine and this is what he wants and I want,” I said.

“Okay, whatever you say, but I don’t like it.” His car quickly pulled into the driveway.

“Gotta go, he’s back,” I said, wandering back inside.

“Text me later,” she added.

“I was just thinking,” he said walking in, “we just need one bedroom right, then one room for my studio and a room that is an office for you and guest bed in case one of the kids wants to sleep over.” I could see he was now in forward thinking mode.

“That works for me. I ordered the guest bed already and a desk for my office,” I raised my phone to show him.

“Yeh, that looks like it would work, your basic metal frame bed,” he said. 

That night, we ate and went to bed. He held me close before we fell asleep and said those three lines he had promised to me nights before,

“I want you, I love you, I need you,” kissed my forehead and we fell asleep.